New Year, New Goals

As I sit and think of my word for this year (choose), I have been reflecting on 2014 as a year. Man... it wasn't easy. I definitely had to choose to ignore that pile of dirty dishes, and to ignore those toys all over my living room sometimes. There was a lot of change in our household, and many times it felt very out of control and chaotic. I'm hoping this year is a year of settling in. I've already resolved to be home more and be less busy. I won't be doing vendor shows much this year and I'm okay with that. It's time to step back and approach my businesses differently. I want to fully enjoy being a college graduate and not having to worry about homework and due dates. I'm looking forward to having more time to read, scrapbook, and just relax with my family.

Looking back on my goals for 2014... I didn't do so well. Honestly, sometimes I felt like I was lucky just to be making it through the year. (I did run 3 out of 4 of the 5K's I wanted to though.) I hope 2015 isn't like that. 

2015 is bringing a lot of exciting things... I'm going to Las Vegas for the first time in July for the Scentsy Family Reunion. I cannot wait! I've never been to Vegas before and am excited to experience it and explore, even if it means facing my fear of flying! Also in 2015, I'm getting MARRIED! I'm so thrilled. Everything about this relationship and wedding feels right. It's slowly coming together and I couldn't be more excited. I want to try to share some of my planning here, but we'll see because I don't want to give away too much. For our honeymoon we are visiting Florida, and I'm really excited for that because I haven't been there in 20 years. Literally. So that will be fun, as well!

I have no big ambitions for 2015, but there are a few things I want to do:

• Post 52 times on this blog this year. That's only a post a week! Hopefully this will lead me to regular writing again.
• Finish my Project Life for 2013. (There are still some blank spots and pages.)
• Finish my Project Life for 2014. There are more than several weeks that need to be done.
• Finish my Me: The Abridged Version book. I started the project, but still need to do most of it. The holidays and life got in the way.
• Start my 2015 Project Life. (I need to figure out which kit I want to use!)
• Read one book a month. That's only 12 books. It's doable.

  Every time I check something off my list, I'll try to remember to report on it here. :)

My first 6K.

It's been almost a month since my first ever run in St. Louis. I wrote a bit about running in a few previous posts. I wanted to kind of take a post to really write about that day though. I woke up early around 5:30AM so I could have breakfast before. I stayed at the Hilton at the Ballpark, so I was very close to the stadium. I had toast and an orange and some water. I made it to the ballpark at 7AM to register. The line wasn't too long, and I made it right through.

I waited along with everyone else by the Stan Musial statue. I was a little anxious, but mostly just ready to run. The nerves didn't hit until I took my place in line. I took a position towards the back since I wasn't sure I could keep a good 10 minute pace the whole time. As I listened to the national anthem play, the nerves really hit and all I wanted to do was RUN. We were getting a late start as it was since they waited an extra 15 minutes for everyone to get registered.

I had read we weren't allowed to have earbuds. Most of the participants had them though. Definitely never running without them ever again. It was really, really hard running without my music. I'd never done it before that day. I walked a bit of the way around mile 2 because my foot went numb. I wasn't thrilled with how I ran (I think I would've done better with my music!), but I was proud of myself because I finished. And really, a 13 minute mile isn't that bad.

Overall, the experience was very good. I more than reached my goal (my goal was to run a 5K before the end of the year), and, for once, I really stuck to something I wasn't sure I could do. It sounds cliche, but it showed me that if I work hard, I can do anything I want to. Crossing the finish line inside Busch Stadium was amazing.

I hated running prior to starting my training, but now I really love it. All I could think of after I finished was "I want to do this again" and "I want to go a longer distance" and "I want to keep doing this". I am considering running in the St. Louis Half Marathon. There are thoughts in my mind that I won't be able to run 13.1 miles, but then again, I thought I couldn't ever run 3 either. Either way, I am definitely doing the Cardinals Care 6K again.

Here's to going futher and pushing yourself.

Managing Life: Days 6-8

This weekend I was able to manage my time pretty well. I took my last final for the term. I start a new term in 2 weeks, so these next few weeks are all about making the most of the time I have to get things done.

The spending ban is off to an okay start. I must confess that I did spend $2 on a new nail polish. :) I haven't bought anything extra other than that though, so I'm doing well there.

This weekend I want to take Cam to the pumpkin patch. I am looking forward to it. I took him last year too. Hopefully he'll be in a bit of a better mood this year. :) I'm looking forward to getting Daphne out and taking some good photos.

This Wednesday is going to be my Project Life catch up day. Hoping to work on it a bit on Friday too, but I may reserve that for a pinterest project or two.

So looking forward to being less stressed and just enjoying the next 2 weeks.

Managing My Life: Days 2-5

I am a little behind on posts for a 30 day challenge right now since I started late, but that's ok. I decided to choose the same topic as Liz and learn how to better manage my life.

One of the big things that eats at me on a daily basis is money. I hate money. Since we moved into our apartment last year, I've accrued, ahem, "some" debt. One of my goals is to get that paid off before I graduate college in a few years.

Yesterday my change was owning that amount I owe. I figured it up and it was scary. It was a higher number than what I thought. I just keep reminding myself that I can do this. I've already cut up most of my credit cards (I have quite a few store accounts... And yes I know that doesn't make it any better).

I signed up for Mint.com and was shocked at where my money was going. I knew I needed to make a drastic change.

For the next 30 days, I'm not only going to learn how to manage my life, but I'm not going to spend a dime on anything extra. Clothes, nail polish, scrapbook supplies, not a darn thing!

I would like to keep track of everything I want to buy somewhere, but I don't want to get too crazy or make this too complicated. It's going to be hard enough for me not to buy anything. :)

Another thing I am considering doing is buying a weekly planner. I use my iPhone calendar quite a bit but I think the process of actually writing down what needs to be done each day might be good for me.

Change is in the air around here. Let's just hope I keep to it and don't run away out of fear. :)

F is for failure.

I've done a lot of failing this year.

Failed classes (yes, multiple).
Failed relationships.
Failed managing money.
Failed as a mom (earlier this year, I put Cameron in shorts when it was only 50 degrees out).

Fail, fail, fail.

Over, and over, and over.

I really loved this quote when I found it on Pinterest (a lot of what I pin is quotes - if you're following me, you're welcome).



I pretty much walk around feeling like crap 80% of the time right now because I feel like I can't do anything right. I feel like I can't ever give 100% at anything. I always feel like I need more time. Or more money. Or more energy. I feel guilty.

This past year I have had to give up doing things like scrapbooking and blogging and being on twitter. I hate it. I have so many books I want to read and I never have time. I hate people that use that phrase, but I really never have any time. I work 8-5. I spend 6:15-7:30AM getting Cam and I ready to get out the door. I pickup my three-year-old boss at 5:15PM and until 8PM, I cater to him. We color, we read, he has goldfish and juice, we watch Cars, mostly whatever he wants. By the time 8PM rolls around I'm so tired, I just want one freaking hour to sit and do nothing on Pinterest. I procrastinate doing homework. Some nights I'm so overwhelmed after the day and after thinking about what all still needs to be done, I just give up and go to bed. Some nights I stay up past midnight doing homework.

I'm drowning. And I'm not alone.

I literally dream about just walking out of my job every. single. day. But I can't do that because I'm a single mom and my income? That's all we have. And we are scraping by right now.

My life is so unbalanced. I want to get back on track though. So I'm joining Liz's challenge (which is a 31 day challenge from the Nesting Place) to learn how to manage my life.

Up next on the blog? My goals for this project.

It is about the journey...

In the beginning of February, I bought Asics running shoes with the goal of doing a 5k by the end of the year. At first, I was worried about the purchase. Would I stick with this or was this just something else I would quit if it got too hard? (I have a habit of doing that - I'm working on it.) I started using the Ease Into 5K app. The very first workout of the app was a struggle, but I went at least 3 times a week. I bought a very nice jogging stroller, another purchase I questioned. I hated that thing. It was so hard to push and steer. It gave me an excuse not to go a few times. But it was when I hit a wall at week 4 that I really started to get frustrated. I accepted that I may never get past that week, and I kept going, and would you believe it? I got past it. I had a breakthrough after doing it for 4 weeks in a row. (Yes, that's right, I did it for 4 weeks.) I had never liked running, but not even half way through my training, I realized I missed it if I didn't go. Now I love it. I've had a bit of a rough year personally, and it has been really therapeutic.

There have been many times I've wanted to quit. When I first started, I was very sore. I still get shin splints occasionally. When I got frustrated, I cried and said I couldn't do it. In February and March, it was really, really cold. I've been sidelined by allergies and heat. I could have quit, but I didn't. And in less than 4 days, all of that will have been worth it when I cross the Cardinals Care 6K finish line inside Busch Stadium. This run is so much more than a run to me. It is the completion of a goal, and as silly as it may sound, a dream. It is proof to myself that I can do something if I work hard and really try. It is proof that you can turn something you dislike into something you love.

I am just so darn proud of myself. Go me.