Managing Life: Days 6-8

This weekend I was able to manage my time pretty well. I took my last final for the term. I start a new term in 2 weeks, so these next few weeks are all about making the most of the time I have to get things done.

The spending ban is off to an okay start. I must confess that I did spend $2 on a new nail polish. :) I haven't bought anything extra other than that though, so I'm doing well there.

This weekend I want to take Cam to the pumpkin patch. I am looking forward to it. I took him last year too. Hopefully he'll be in a bit of a better mood this year. :) I'm looking forward to getting Daphne out and taking some good photos.

This Wednesday is going to be my Project Life catch up day. Hoping to work on it a bit on Friday too, but I may reserve that for a pinterest project or two.

So looking forward to being less stressed and just enjoying the next 2 weeks.

Managing My Life: Days 2-5

I am a little behind on posts for a 30 day challenge right now since I started late, but that's ok. I decided to choose the same topic as Liz and learn how to better manage my life.

One of the big things that eats at me on a daily basis is money. I hate money. Since we moved into our apartment last year, I've accrued, ahem, "some" debt. One of my goals is to get that paid off before I graduate college in a few years.

Yesterday my change was owning that amount I owe. I figured it up and it was scary. It was a higher number than what I thought. I just keep reminding myself that I can do this. I've already cut up most of my credit cards (I have quite a few store accounts... And yes I know that doesn't make it any better).

I signed up for Mint.com and was shocked at where my money was going. I knew I needed to make a drastic change.

For the next 30 days, I'm not only going to learn how to manage my life, but I'm not going to spend a dime on anything extra. Clothes, nail polish, scrapbook supplies, not a darn thing!

I would like to keep track of everything I want to buy somewhere, but I don't want to get too crazy or make this too complicated. It's going to be hard enough for me not to buy anything. :)

Another thing I am considering doing is buying a weekly planner. I use my iPhone calendar quite a bit but I think the process of actually writing down what needs to be done each day might be good for me.

Change is in the air around here. Let's just hope I keep to it and don't run away out of fear. :)

F is for failure.

I've done a lot of failing this year.

Failed classes (yes, multiple).
Failed relationships.
Failed managing money.
Failed as a mom (earlier this year, I put Cameron in shorts when it was only 50 degrees out).

Fail, fail, fail.

Over, and over, and over.

I really loved this quote when I found it on Pinterest (a lot of what I pin is quotes - if you're following me, you're welcome).



I pretty much walk around feeling like crap 80% of the time right now because I feel like I can't do anything right. I feel like I can't ever give 100% at anything. I always feel like I need more time. Or more money. Or more energy. I feel guilty.

This past year I have had to give up doing things like scrapbooking and blogging and being on twitter. I hate it. I have so many books I want to read and I never have time. I hate people that use that phrase, but I really never have any time. I work 8-5. I spend 6:15-7:30AM getting Cam and I ready to get out the door. I pickup my three-year-old boss at 5:15PM and until 8PM, I cater to him. We color, we read, he has goldfish and juice, we watch Cars, mostly whatever he wants. By the time 8PM rolls around I'm so tired, I just want one freaking hour to sit and do nothing on Pinterest. I procrastinate doing homework. Some nights I'm so overwhelmed after the day and after thinking about what all still needs to be done, I just give up and go to bed. Some nights I stay up past midnight doing homework.

I'm drowning. And I'm not alone.

I literally dream about just walking out of my job every. single. day. But I can't do that because I'm a single mom and my income? That's all we have. And we are scraping by right now.

My life is so unbalanced. I want to get back on track though. So I'm joining Liz's challenge (which is a 31 day challenge from the Nesting Place) to learn how to manage my life.

Up next on the blog? My goals for this project.

Being the heroine.

 

Recently, I found this quote, and at the time, I really needed to read it. Since I read it, it has been a guiding force for me.

 

It has been over a year since my divorce was final now. It is hard to believe it's only been that long. Most days it feels like it has always been like this. Just me and Cameron. Life is easier in some ways, but it is still harder in others. This morning I did not want to go to work. I wasn't feeling well, and I just wanted to take the day off and sleep all day. I don't have that option, and on days like today, it's hard. I want someone to take care of me. I want someone to be there to help financially so I'm able to take the day off. The reality is that it is just me here though, and I have rent and electricity to pay, and if I miss a day of work, I am not able to pay one or more of my bills. So I went to work. Because I depend on myself, and more importantly, Cameron depends on me.

 

It is so very easy for me to make excuses for myself. For me to play the single mom card, and throw my hands up, and say whatever it is that I am doing is too hard. School is too hard, it's too hard to manage my money, it's too hard to make it to work on time. It's all excuses. Yes, divorce was heartbreaking and I still struggle, but it doesn't define me or give me a reason to make excuses.

 

I want to be the heroine.

 

I want to say I really tried. I want to help people. I want to better myself. I want to make meaningful contributions to my world. None of what I am doing is easy right now, but this is the path I have chosen because I believed it would be better for Cameron and myself. As I chose this path, I also have to choose to embrace the now.

 

This is our now, and it's up to me to make the best of it.



One Little Word

My word for 2012 is mindful.

At times last year, I found it hard to focus on how blessed we were amidst the chaos. I really want to be mindful of the blessings we have. In being mindful of what we have, I hope to be more content with what we have. When we moved, I did a big clean out of all of our stuff, I would really like to keep this apartment as clutter free as possible so that the next time we move (which won't be for some time!) there won't be as much. Of course, I know we are bound to collect as we go on. I just hope we are able to shed the things we don't need as we have new things. I took so much stuff to Goodwill.

I also want to be mindful that although we are still in an adjustment period here and that this single mom thing is rough, we really do have so very much to be thankful for. When something seems like it is not going to work out, something else happens and it does. God always provides. I really believe that it is only because of Him that we have made it.

My 2011 word, faith, really brought me through and kept me going. Now I feel like it's time to reflect and be thankful. For all of the struggles, for all of the lessons learned. We will come out ahead. It will get better. We just have to keep going.