Snow Day

Yesterday, Cam's school had a snow day. I had heard that he would be having school so I picked him up yesterday evening after work. I couldn't get a hold of his dad or grandma, so I had to stay home with him. It was probably for the best though, I think we both needed a day of rest.

We did puzzles.

 

We were silly.

We watched shows and movies (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and several Veggie Tales shows).

We even got a little crafty and I made this Cardinal for him. (Earlier in the week, M made a duck but Cam decided he wanted a Cardinal when he saw her bird.)

It was a good day. I always enjoy spending time with him, but also I really did need to work. It's such a struggle being a working mom. I was ahead on my bills and due to the snow now I probably won't be. I also feel guilty when I have to call in. I just have to step back and be thankful for the time we got together today and that maybe we both just needed it. We don't get many days together like this anymore.

All in.

Lately, this phrase has been coming to mind a lot. Life is busy, but I'm trying to be all in everything I do.

I have definitely been all in to my homework. I took one class this term, and I have gotten nothing but A's and B's. Slowly getting my focus back. It's really hard. I just want to sit around when I get home from work. :)

Work is busy. I find myself wanting more out of what I do lately. But, in the spirit of not wanting to make a big change yet and "bloom where I'm planted", I'm trying to make it work. I am thankful for my coworkers. They get me through the day.

Project Life. What to say? I am so behind! I'm frustrated. I've had thoughts of not doing it next year. Making time for it is just not happening lately. I'm in a state of trying to balance everything, and it is low on the priority list. Work, Cameron, homework, a still-new relationship... all of these things come first. Rightfully so. Oh, and the relationship? So good. I'm definitely all in. It is not without it's challenges, but all in all, I'm pretty sure the happiest I've ever been.

I took a leap of faith and started a Scentsy business last week. Direct selling was something I'd been considering doing for a while. I sold Arbonne for a few years a while back, but it wasn't the right time or the right product. This feels like the right time and the right product. I need the extra income for sure. Living on my income alone is rough right now. I've decided to go all in to my business. I want this to happen, I want this to work. I met with my sponsor in the first few days. My goal is to sell $500 in product by November 30th. It seems like a crazy goal, but I said that when it came to my fundraising and then I think of what I accomplished there. I definitely want to follow in my sponsor's footsteps and make this an approachable thing. I pinky promise I will not be shoving Scentsy bars in your face constantly. :)

I have my second run on Saturday. I am going to try my hardest to run it all. I'm terrified. I haven't ran in weeks. It got colder and boy, I just lost all motivation. We'll see how it goes, but I'm going to try.

Setting goals. Making plans. Just starting. All in. Showing up.

This is life right now, and it's pretty darn good.

F is for failure.

I've done a lot of failing this year.

Failed classes (yes, multiple).
Failed relationships.
Failed managing money.
Failed as a mom (earlier this year, I put Cameron in shorts when it was only 50 degrees out).

Fail, fail, fail.

Over, and over, and over.

I really loved this quote when I found it on Pinterest (a lot of what I pin is quotes - if you're following me, you're welcome).



I pretty much walk around feeling like crap 80% of the time right now because I feel like I can't do anything right. I feel like I can't ever give 100% at anything. I always feel like I need more time. Or more money. Or more energy. I feel guilty.

This past year I have had to give up doing things like scrapbooking and blogging and being on twitter. I hate it. I have so many books I want to read and I never have time. I hate people that use that phrase, but I really never have any time. I work 8-5. I spend 6:15-7:30AM getting Cam and I ready to get out the door. I pickup my three-year-old boss at 5:15PM and until 8PM, I cater to him. We color, we read, he has goldfish and juice, we watch Cars, mostly whatever he wants. By the time 8PM rolls around I'm so tired, I just want one freaking hour to sit and do nothing on Pinterest. I procrastinate doing homework. Some nights I'm so overwhelmed after the day and after thinking about what all still needs to be done, I just give up and go to bed. Some nights I stay up past midnight doing homework.

I'm drowning. And I'm not alone.

I literally dream about just walking out of my job every. single. day. But I can't do that because I'm a single mom and my income? That's all we have. And we are scraping by right now.

My life is so unbalanced. I want to get back on track though. So I'm joining Liz's challenge (which is a 31 day challenge from the Nesting Place) to learn how to manage my life.

Up next on the blog? My goals for this project.

A New Chapter

Cameron and I are starting a new chapter in our lives and I wanted to document it somewhere. It has become really hard for me to do anything (namely work on my project life) except go to work, figure out dinner and do some house work before I go to bed and do it all over again.

Since I have started working a lot of changes have taken place in our household. A new job, a new car, new friends, etc. Most of the time, I am able to keep myself together. I've actually felt very confident and peaceful throughout this period.

There is no easy way to tell people about the new change I am going through though. There is no easy way to tell your family and friends you are getting a divorce. (It could be part of the reason why I'm not into my project life scrapbook right now.) I am accepting that it is all part of God's plan for my life though. I have had a few 'moments', but I've been okay with it for the most part. I've known it was coming for quite a while.

I am doing really well at my new job and have been told so by the people I've worked closely with for the past month. I really love where I work and it feels so nice to be appreciated in the workplace and have normal work hours without being called in constantly. It's something I haven't experienced in a long time.

I'm enrolled in classes to finish my degree and am beyond excited to hopefully have my Bachelor's degree in a few years.

Yes, this new chapter will be hard but it will be so worth it. At the end of the day I remind myself why I'm doing it and I don't even question myself for a second:



I am having faith.