Dating & Project Life

For most of this year, I have been dating around. I have been struggling with how to incorporate that part of my life in our scrapbook. It is a part of my story, of our story, since Cameron has been around a few of them. I am very protective of our scrapbook, and I will remember the guys I have dated this year, whether or not I really want to. ;) The dilemma lies in who to mention and who to skip.

The boyfriend I was with for some months last year and a month or so at the beginning of the year is worth mentioning. I believe he made an appearance in our 2011 book. I will mention something about our breakup when I tackle the beginning of February, I'm sure. I mainly dated around until the beginning of this summer. The in-betweens will be skipped. I never spent a good amount of time with them, so I don't feel compelled to mention them. At this point, unless I find a movie ticket stub, I probably won't even remember the dates. (Benefit to procrastinating Project Life this year?) I had a boyfriend this summer and there were a few things Cam and I did that involved seeing him quite a bit. I feel like he will need to be mentioned since we dedicated multiple nights a week to him. He was definitely a part of our beginning-of-summer story.

Recently, I started dating someone new. For the past month or so, we have been very involved in each others lives. In the beginning, I debated whether he would be someone I would mention. Last weekend I had an experience I have not had in years - meeting the parents. I feel pretty safe in mentioning him now. :)

Look for pages from our Project Life album soon.

It is about the journey...

In the beginning of February, I bought Asics running shoes with the goal of doing a 5k by the end of the year. At first, I was worried about the purchase. Would I stick with this or was this just something else I would quit if it got too hard? (I have a habit of doing that - I'm working on it.) I started using the Ease Into 5K app. The very first workout of the app was a struggle, but I went at least 3 times a week. I bought a very nice jogging stroller, another purchase I questioned. I hated that thing. It was so hard to push and steer. It gave me an excuse not to go a few times. But it was when I hit a wall at week 4 that I really started to get frustrated. I accepted that I may never get past that week, and I kept going, and would you believe it? I got past it. I had a breakthrough after doing it for 4 weeks in a row. (Yes, that's right, I did it for 4 weeks.) I had never liked running, but not even half way through my training, I realized I missed it if I didn't go. Now I love it. I've had a bit of a rough year personally, and it has been really therapeutic.

There have been many times I've wanted to quit. When I first started, I was very sore. I still get shin splints occasionally. When I got frustrated, I cried and said I couldn't do it. In February and March, it was really, really cold. I've been sidelined by allergies and heat. I could have quit, but I didn't. And in less than 4 days, all of that will have been worth it when I cross the Cardinals Care 6K finish line inside Busch Stadium. This run is so much more than a run to me. It is the completion of a goal, and as silly as it may sound, a dream. It is proof to myself that I can do something if I work hard and really try. It is proof that you can turn something you dislike into something you love.

I am just so darn proud of myself. Go me.

We are here.

We are still here.

Life is busy and hectic. But it's really good.

Work, laundry, dishes, homework, meetings, phone calls, dates, being lazy, playing, watching tv, time away, birthdays, baseball games, sleepovers, the beach, visiting family. These are the things that have made up our summer.

I found myself drawn to writing again a few months ago. It started with me writing in a Smash book, using it as a personal journal. The things that are happening here on this blog have been in the works for a while. All very cautiously thought out and intentional. This little blog is a work in progress. The name has changed, the look has changed. It needed to reflect that we have changed. Our life may have taken an unexpected turn last year, but we are on the right track now.

I am slowly getting back to doing things I love. Scrapbooking, reading, taking photos, writing. Not too quickly, but I'm getting there. This is just another step. I am so behind on our scrapbook, but I've ignored it for the past 7 months so what makes me think I will be able to accomplish putting 7 months of our lives in a scrapbook overnight? I abandoned doing things I loved for just living for a while. I accept that.

The life you have led doesn't have to be the only life you have. -Anna Quindlen

Here is to writing more and reading more.

Where We Are

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In a few weeks, it will have been a year since I got divorced. There are still some days I struggle with it, and I've learned that that is okay. The life Cameron and I live now is very different than the life we were living then. Accepting and adapting to our new life was not something that could have happened overnight, or even a few months. It took months, but I no longer look at families together and think of my broken dream. Instead, I think "that will happen for us one day". The days that I struggle are very rare now. Being divorced does not define me. Actually, people I meet are usually surprised to hear that I was ever married.

Being a single (and obviously working) mom is hard. Being a single mom who is also a student is harder. There are days I wish for an extra set of hands and eyes to play with and watch Cam so I can start homework a few hours earlier. But they aren't there. I have no family where I live, and my parents live an hour away. It's just me here. For the past 3 or 4 months, I used that as an excuse. I played the victim, even to myself. I claimed there just wasn't time to do homework. I was tired after I got home from work, and after Cam went to bed. Blah, blah, blah. It was all excuses. Excuses to be lazy and pity myself. I had a wake up call recently when I was put on academic probation. School starts again on Monday, and I am more than ready to focus on finishing my degree. It is so easy to lose focus with everything that goes on in life. I just keep envisioning myself walking up there to receive my degree. Only 22 more months!

There is one last thing I will just barely touch on in this post - dating. Oh, dating. Meeting genuine people is so, impossibly hard. I've been hurt more times than I care to admit this year. Thank God for my friends. They keep me going with their "don't give up" and "you're better off" speeches. You know what? They have always been right so far.

All in all, we are in a good place right now.