If I said our lives were not very different from when I was still married, I would be lying big time. However, I have found that there have been some things that have come much easier than I expected. No one goes into a marriage with the thought of "this could end", but I know that through out my marriage I thought about how lucky I was to have someone there to (somewhat) help me with Cam, dinner (we ate out a lot), and grocery shopping (WHY did we even grocery shop? We ate out so much). When we decided to divorce, I imagined it would be much harder taking care of Cam than it really is. His dad worked a lot. There were days he would be gone 12+ hours, and he wouldn't get to see Cam before he went to bed. That was pretty rough to be with him by myself all day. That was also before I started working, but I find I'm just as tired or more after working all day than when I was staying home with him. There are times when I'm just "done" with the terrible twos, but I can't ever actually be done because there's no one to take over now. For the most part the actual caring for Cameron part is about as equal as before though.
I worry about money way more now. There isn't the comfort of having that larger second income now. There have been oh so many times if I wondered if I did the right thing, getting divorced. But I realize how much more peaceful our lives are, and I know it's right no matter what sacrifices I have to make.
The one thing that really gets to me kind of came as a surprise to me. It's the doing things by ourselves now stuff that really gets to me. It's seeing other families together when we're out at the grocery store. It's the wondering of how I'll handle the holidays this year being by myself, without Cameron here, on Christmas morning. We went to the Pumpkin Patch yesterday, and we had a lot of fun picking out our pumpkins. As we left though, I realized we were about the only ones there that weren't a family with a Dad part there. It wasn't a big deal. I didn't cry or anything, but those are the times that it just kind of hits me.
Sometimes I wonder if we'll ever have a Dad part around again... but that's a whole other blog post. ;)
aw it must be tough with no one to pick up the slack when you are tired. But sometimes you have to do what is right even if its hard. You are doing a great job mommy x
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, I had wondered what happened to you! Glad to hear that you are still alive!!!
ReplyDeleteAll of a sudden, one day, your blog was blocked and all I could think was that you blocked me because I didn't donate for your March of Dimes walk (which I hope went well for you.) You were still a follower of my blog though and I saw your comment - congratulating me on our second son. Thank you for that.
I've wondered how Cameron is doing, since he is close to the same age as my son. Love the pumpkin patch pics... looks like he's getting SO BIG!
Hope you're doing well. I don't mean to speak lightly of it, but Divorce happens; for me, it was the best thing that ever could have happened to me... as I found MR. RIGHT while I was out searching for myself AND I got out of an abusive marriage from my high school sweetheart. Hang in there. Cameron is a GREAT OUTCOME from your marriage - and for that, you will always be thankful! :)
You're doing wonderful. Life is tricky no matter which path we choose. I agree with the previous poster - Cameron is a great outcome from your marriage. :) Whatever the future holds, who knows. But Cameron is very lucky to have a mom who loves him so much.
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